I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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