Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I don't want my vagina anymore.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
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