i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
