Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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