My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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