I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Randomize
