Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
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