piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
