yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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