I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
