His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
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quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
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You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
i believe in u and ur pee
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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