So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
