My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
