I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
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There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
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They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
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