I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
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