You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
farters have to be the big spoon...
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize