What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
