How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
