She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
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