My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Randomize
