someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
