"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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