I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
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