no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
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