Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
