dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Come share oat with me in your robe
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
