Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
