if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize