you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
