Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
