Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
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