She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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