with your own penis?
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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