Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
