Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
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