It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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