The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Randomize
