I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
It's just like the Real World with babies
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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