If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
