So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
She bit a glass in half.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Randomize
