you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
