My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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