Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
