I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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