Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
