The maid of honor just puked.
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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