Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Randomize
