This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
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