Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
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