Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
be right there i have to get my cape
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
