So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize