Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Randomize
