He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
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