I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
