So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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