I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Randomize
