A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
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