her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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