is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize
