I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
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