Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I have tasted many bathrooms
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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