All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
