It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Randomize
