there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
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