if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
