and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
