i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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