Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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