if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Randomize
