if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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