Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
