I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
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True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
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