so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
