i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
