wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
