So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize