You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
